How To Stop Sweating The Small Stuff

Top 10 suggestions on how "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" can help YOU when daily challenges arise in your life.

I read a book a few years ago, that I've referred to on many occasions in my life and even seemingly difficult situations others find themselves in too. As you can see it's fairly worn out!

That book is,

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff and It's All Small Stuff: Simple Ways To Keep The Little Things From Overtaking Your Life

By Richard Carlson, PhD.

Everyone has that book, song lyric, chapter, verse or quote they refer back to in times of trouble or uncertainty - this book, is that for me.

Its' straight to the point nature and digestible, relatable content make for an instantaneous bond between book and reader; each chapter introduces a different situation many individuals can empathise with, and teaches ways in which the reader can make small adjustments in their lives to avoid these innocent pitfalls.

Though I should mention, if you're the type of person who cannot accept responsibility for their own thoughts or makes excuses for wrong actions and can easily justify a bad mood or reason talking badly to another person, unless you're here to make changes on exactly that first, you're in the wrong place.

These suggestions are easily put into practice and can be adapted to just about ANY lifestyle or culture at any age.

Here, I've named just a few of the short chapters I have found to be the most helpful to my life over the last couple of years:

1. Don't Interrupt Others Or Finish Their Sentences

We've all been in a situation when we're half way through what we would describe as "a really interesting story" and someone comes along and helps themselves to the limelight, interrupting you mid-flow. Irritating isn't it?

So much so that you don't even want to finish your story because you've been halted to a full stop when you were just getting to the good bit!!!

Now, think back to a time when you may have interrupted a person during their sentence. I, for one, have been guilty of this faux-pas more times than I care to remember and at the time, it seems incredibly innocent, but imagine how frustrating it is for the poor mortal you've just cut off!

Interrupting people creates tension in a conversation and can be quite a harmful mannerism when it comes to engaging with others.

"I also realised how destructive this habit was, not only to the respect and love I received from others but also for the tremendous amount of energy it takes to be in two heads at once!"

The good news is, it's easily nipped in the bud just by becoming aware of when you feel the urge to interrupt someone and reminding yourself to be accommodating and wait your turn. In cutting it out, the people around you may feel much calmer when speaking with you and your conversations will become much more enjoyable when each person listens and speaks in turn.

2. Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

This technique relates heavily to attaining inner peace. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in our own heads that we end up creating problems that weren't there in the first place!

One thought leads to another and before you know it, remembering that you didn't leave a delivery note on the front door when you left for work this morning, can spiral into thoughts about what else you don't do right or how you let others/yourself down.

"For many people, there's no limit to how long this type of 'thought attack' can go on for."

It's safe to say we may all have been in a situation where we've had a disagreement with our partners, family members, friends or colleagues and find ourselves alone thinking, not just about the argument itself, but picking at every other flaw we could possibly find in them, whether or not they exist!

You can see how choosing this path could easily lead to destruction of relationships, as well as your own happiness.

No matter how busy you are, always try and catch yourself before it begins to snowball.

When that first thought lands and you feel yourself revelling in negative criticisms to yourself or other other people, contrary to my previous sub-header, interrupt the thought before it has a chance to take root in your mind.

If it's a habit that stands in the way of you and your inner peace, it's a habit worth getting out of.

3. Take Up Yoga

If you're reading this article, you're probably already aware of some benefits of yoga, whether or not you practice yoga is a completely different story. I didn't practice yoga until about a year ago, although I thought I was well aware of how good it is for your body, I had no idea how good it is for your body AND your mind until I began to study it in a little more depth.

"I used to believe I was too busy for yoga. I felt I didn't have time. I'm now certain that the opposite is true - I don't have time not to practice yoga. It's too important not to do."

What's great about yoga is you can practice it anywhere, alone or with others. No matter how old you are, how fit you are or if you have injuries, which are the most common excuses for not taking up fitness or sport. However, yoga is so much more than just a workout. It's a way of life.

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" touches briefly on the amazing benefits of yoga for all people of all ages and fitness levels. It really hit home, for me, that you don't need to be a size 6 fitness fanatic with the charming ability to lob your ankles behind your ears to be able to not only do it, but enjoy it and reap the benefits!

IT IS FOR EVERYONE!!!

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I have written another post about the benefits of yoga and why I think it is pretty much the answer to anything

Click here to take a look, there may be something in there that could get you off the ground!

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4. Ask Yourself "Will This Matter a Year From Now?"

This suggestion is pretty self explanatory. When faced with the dilemma, choosing to be upset about something or choosing to just let it go, ask yourself "will this matter a year from now?" or even "am I taking this too seriously?" be it, a broken phone, a scratch on the car or the kids are driving you completely bonkers - ask yourself. More often than not, your answer will be "no"

"Almost everyday I play a game with myself I call 'time warp'. I made it up in response to my consistent, erroneous belief that what I was worked up about was really important."

Richard goes on to say that, very occasionally, something may be worth the pain of upsetting yourself, but more often than not, it just isn't worth it.

Asking yourself this question will put most situations in perspective and you might even find you've already spent a lot of time worrying and stressing about things that actually don't have any impact on your life, just on your present.

5. Seek First to Understand

...And then to be understood. Adopted from Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", Richard has used this strategy to, in his words "become a more content person".

"Seek First to Understand" explains that when you become more engaged in understanding the intentions of others as opposed to fighting for your right to be understood yourself first, you may find yourself as a much easier person to speak to. In turn, people will want to speak with you more and not be afraid of upsetting your ego.

"When you understand where people are coming from, what they're trying to say, what's important to them, and so on and so forth, being understood flows naturally".

Understanding the opinions of others first can, at first, seem like a stretch of your patience, especially if you don't agree with what they're saying. However, in doing this you may find that, you listen better and actually, can eventually see where they're coming from and why they may think the way they do.

Remember, you aren't losing anything by attempting to be more compassionate towards someone and you don't have to be in agreeance with them to respect their point-of-view, especially if you'd like to be given the same respect when voicing your opinions. You never know, you may even come around to adopting their way of thinking yourself!

6. Choose Your Battles Wisely

As popular as this phrase has come to be, have you ever stopped to think what it REALLY means?

On a daily basis, we are faced with challenges and choices relating to them. Someone will say or do something we don't like, something doesn't go to plan, or we hit traffic on the way home and get extremely upset about it - though we are well aware there's not a damn thing we can do about it!

We can choose to create problems from these situations, or we can choose to let it go and be peaceful. For the most part we create the problems, somehow justifying them because something unexpected happened to us and we should be able to predict exactly how our lives are going to go because, after all, it's our life!

"The truth is, life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be... Moment to moment, there are aspects of life that we like and others that we don't."

Is the fact that your teenager hasn't cleaned his room yet, really worthy of a screaming match up the stairs? Or that you got caught in a traffic jam on the way home truly a deserving answer to the question "how was your day?" inviting the negative path for a conversation to go down.

Most battles you engage in actually dislocate you from your inner peace. Choosing your battles allows you the energy and patience to really fight the one's worth fighting for, fight them well and live a relaxed life in the meantime.

7. Become Aware of Your Moods and Don't Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones

In a nutshell, WE ARE HUMAN! We experience a range of emotions from elated to depressed, sometimes on a daily basis depending on what happens in our lives and more importantly, how we look at things.

We could experience something on one day, when we're feeling happy and look at it completely differently to if we were experiencing a low mood on the next day. Moods can be ambiguous and often offer very high contrasts in how we experience things on a day-to-day basis.

Low moods are sneaky and can join the party, invited or uninvited, at any moment but remember this makes us merely mortal and without the lows, we can't appreciate the highs!

CHEESY ANECDOTE: We are the sky. Our good moods are the Sun. Our low moods, the clouds.

The Sun is always there, sometimes bright, sometimes blocked by the clouds. At times the clouds can look dark, it might even rain, thunder, or worse! Sometimes it can seem to be stormy FOREVER!

But the Sun will always be there, ready to shine through once the storm is over because the balance in nature dictates that storms can't last. Neither does your mood. Low or high, it's always fluctuating and seriously...

"This too shall pass".

8. Praise and Blame Are All the Same

According to "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" Praise and blame are all the same is a fancy way of reminding yourself that you'll never be able to please all the people all the time.

To also quote Otis Reading in his famous "(Sittin' On) The Dock of The Bay", a personal number one lyric line of mine, "I can't do what ten people tell me to do, so I guess I'll remain the same".

- My mantra for when I feel that I've met the disapproval of another and start to feel bad about it.

You could be the ripest, juiciest peach on the planet - there's still going to be someone out there who hates peaches!

"Everyone has their own set ideas with which to evaluate life, and our ideas don't always match those of other people. For some reason, most of us struggle with this inevitable fact."

What this statement actually means is, sometimes we will please people, sometimes we will not and when we become more focused on accepting this fact instead of concentrating on being a 'people pleaser' all the time, the happier and less concerned with the opinions of others we will become.

9. Practice Being in the "Eye of the Storm"

I remember a few years back, I moonlighted as a Project Worker for a non-profit organisation. Each day was totally manic and the rooms and the hallways of the building I worked in were constantly bustling. Rest assured, there was never a dull moment! It was here I first used this technique.

"The eye of the storm is that one specific spot in the centre of a twister, hurricane, or tornado that is calm, almost isolated from the frenzy of activity."

After a particularly crazy morning, I went outside for my 10-minute break (2 hours later than planned, might I add - you can get a feel of the strains we were under as workers) and attempted to relax for that brief period. However, the thought of galloping back inside to pick up where I left off and fulfil my duties of once again becoming part of this hyper-mechanical machine had me wondering whether I'd have more luck jumping into a moving car!

In my haste to control the temporary arrhythmia I'd so kindly gifted myself, I whipped out my book and opened it to a random page (I carry this thing everywhere, because you never know when you might need it!), which just so happened to be page 155 "Practice Being in the 'Eye of the Storm".

I read.

Actually, I read twice. Before I calmly entered the building and stood strong at the centre of chaos and for a moment, just a brief moment, I introduced into my life, an uncontaminated sense of calm. Acknowledging all that was around me, aware of where I was and more importantly, who I was. I felt flooded with a soothing contentment that I was able to become the 'Eye of the Storm'.

It really was a magical moment and this experience has never left me.

In the book, Richard says that you can use this technique in many challenging situations. He suggests to build a track record of using it at parties, gatherings and in conversations. You could even begin in the street outside your door!

"You can commit to being that one person in the room who is going to be an example of peace."

It's an incredibly rewarding way of becoming more aware, peaceful and present.

10. Remember You Become What You Practice Most

To form a habit, you must repeat it over and over again until it becomes a part of your inner-psyche.

This goes for bad habits as well as good habits. Doing something once does not make it a habit but repeatedly doing something will in essence, make it an automatic thought, which becomes repeated action - it has then become a habit.

What do you practice most?

If you are in the habit of being uptight whenever life isn't quite right, repeatedly reacting to criticism be defending yourself, insisting on being right, allowing your thinking to snowball in response to adversity, or acting like life is an emergency, then unfortunately, your life will be a reflection of this type of practice."

It goes without saying that if you are in the habit of living by your values, keeping active, helping others and practice qualities of discipline and compassion you're on the right track to creating healthy habits that will service you well in life.

Habits can be created and they can be destroyed, each day the choice is yours.

THANK YOU

ALL of these tips and suggestions have not only given me the tools to live a more peaceful life, but now I have a butt-load of respect for being more picky about how I choose to spend my time, inside and outside of my own head.

I can now channel all the energy I used to WASTE "sweating the small stuff" into meaningful projects, follow through with ideas and improve upon lots of different avenues of my future as well as living a much more peaceful present.

There are 100 chapters in total each with a short description of how not to let the little things take over your life.

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Click here to check out the book.

You can also listen to the full audio book, read by Richard Carlson himself for FREE here.

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Written by Charlotte Deverill